"It seems the little tiff between Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton has really heated up since their last argument at the last Democratic debate. They have become distant. They barely speak to each other now. When they do speak, it's really icy. As Hillary calls that, 'marriage.'" --Jay Leno
"John Edwards is on the campaign trail. He's now doing something called his 'Poverty Tour', where he's visiting people who have no money and no hope. His first stop today: John McCain's headquarters." --Jay Leno
"Rudy Giuliani is probably going to be the next president of the United States ... because it's all about image. He's got the big anti-terrorist image. On January 20, 2009, you may very well be welcoming to the White House Rudy Giuliani and his lovely wife ... whoever that may be at the time. ... Giuliani's first wife was his cousin. I'm not making that up. I think that's a very cheap way to go after the Southern vote." –Bill Maher
"Senator Hillary Clinton, down there in Washington, DC, appeared on the Senate floor wearing a pink blazer and a skimpy top. She looked so hot, Senator Ted Kennedy sent over a drink. ... She looked so hot, everyone thought she was Senator Vitter's date. ... She looked so hot, by mistake, Bill hit on her" --David Letterman
"Who'd have ever thought a controversy involving a Clinton and cleavage would be about Hillary?" --Jimmy Kimmel
Monday, August 6, 2007
Joke of the Day: Late Night Comic Quotes
"It seems the little tiff between Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton has really heated up since their last argument at the last Democratic debate. They have become distant. They barely speak to each other now. When they do speak, it's really icy. As Hillary calls that, 'marriage.'" --Jay Leno
"John Edwards is on the campaign trail. He's now doing something called his 'Poverty Tour', where he's visiting people who have no money and no hope. His first stop today: John McCain's headquarters." --Jay Leno
"Rudy Giuliani is probably going to be the next president of the United States ... because it's all about image. He's got the big anti-terrorist image. On January 20, 2009, you may very well be welcoming to the White House Rudy Giuliani and his lovely wife ... whoever that may be at the time. ... Giuliani's first wife was his cousin. I'm not making that up. I think that's a very cheap way to go after the Southern vote." –Bill Maher
"Senator Hillary Clinton, down there in Washington, DC, appeared on the Senate floor wearing a pink blazer and a skimpy top. She looked so hot, Senator Ted Kennedy sent over a drink. ... She looked so hot, everyone thought she was Senator Vitter's date. ... She looked so hot, by mistake, Bill hit on her" --David Letterman
"Who'd have ever thought a controversy involving a Clinton and cleavage would be about Hillary?" --Jimmy Kimmel
"John Edwards is on the campaign trail. He's now doing something called his 'Poverty Tour', where he's visiting people who have no money and no hope. His first stop today: John McCain's headquarters." --Jay Leno
"Rudy Giuliani is probably going to be the next president of the United States ... because it's all about image. He's got the big anti-terrorist image. On January 20, 2009, you may very well be welcoming to the White House Rudy Giuliani and his lovely wife ... whoever that may be at the time. ... Giuliani's first wife was his cousin. I'm not making that up. I think that's a very cheap way to go after the Southern vote." –Bill Maher
"Senator Hillary Clinton, down there in Washington, DC, appeared on the Senate floor wearing a pink blazer and a skimpy top. She looked so hot, Senator Ted Kennedy sent over a drink. ... She looked so hot, everyone thought she was Senator Vitter's date. ... She looked so hot, by mistake, Bill hit on her" --David Letterman
"Who'd have ever thought a controversy involving a Clinton and cleavage would be about Hillary?" --Jimmy Kimmel
Friday, August 3, 2007
Joke of the Day
Alabama: Hell Yes, We Have Electricity
Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!
Arizona: But It's A Dry Heat
Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything
California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda
Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It-Yet
Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water
Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids
Georgia: We Put The "Fun" In Fundamentalist Extremism
Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, But Leave
Your Money)
Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes...Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure
Are Real Good
Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"
Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn
Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States
Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign
Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster
Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It
Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets)
Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians
Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes... And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes
Mississippi: Come And Feel Better About Your Own State
Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work
Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies, And Very
Little Else
Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest
Nevada: Hookers and Poker!
New Hampshire: Go Away And Leave Us Alone
New Jersey: You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!
New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent pets
New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An
Attorney....
North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable
North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States!
Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan
Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing
Oregon: Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner
Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal
Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island
South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender
South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota
Tennessee: The Educashun State
Texas: Si' Hablo Ing'les
Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
Vermont: Yep
Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?
Washington: Help! We're Overrun By Nerds And Slackers!
Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?
West Virginia: One Big Happy Family... Really!
Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese
Wyoming: Where Men Are Men... and the sheep are scared
http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/jokes/bljokestatemottos.htm
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